


Too Afraid

by feentanz



Series: One Shots [20]
Category: Nikolai Series - Leigh Bardugo, The Grisha Trilogy - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: Angst, F/M, Prompt: 'your hands are freezing', Sexual Tension, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-27
Updated: 2019-10-27
Packaged: 2021-01-04 19:43:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21203024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/feentanz/pseuds/feentanz
Summary: The bed moved as Zoya shifted beside him, some of her hair brushing over Nikolai’s arm. He felt his entire body tense at the touch, not even quite certain why. How had he ended up here? To be precise, he did know how. Nikolai and the Triumvirate had been on a mission to Northern Ravka when a nearby village had been attacked, and his general had very recklessly decided that she should be the one to defend it. Without an army, just her alone. Naturally Nikolai had followed her, and so they had ended up here, in a small cabin in a deserted village, caught up in a snowstorm. And the small room only had one bed, and no heating.





	Too Afraid

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for the HogwartsOnline OWL's; and the prompt: "Your hands are freezing"

This was bad. Over the years, Nikolai had gotten himself into  _ a lot  _ of uncomfortable situations, where he had always managed to weasel his way out of creatively, but this was on a whole new level. 

The bed moved as Zoya shifted beside him, some of her hair brushing over Nikolai’s arm. He felt his entire body tense at the touch, not even quite certain why.  _ How had he ended up here?  _

To be precise, he did know how. Nikolai and the Triumvirate had been on a mission to Northern Ravka when a nearby village had been attacked, and his general had very recklessly decided that she should be the one to defend it. Without an army, just her alone. Naturally Nikolai had followed her, and so they had ended up here, in a small cabin in a deserted village, caught up in a snowstorm. And the small room only had one bed, and no heating. 

Zoya was shivering beside him, but stubborn as she was she refused to move closer. Her back was turned towards him but he knew she was awake, and not only because of her shaky breathing. 

He rolled onto his back, trying to ignore the biting cold cutting through his bones. He had offered his jacket to Zoya but she had refused, instead shot him a cutting glance and ignored him entirely. 

“Stop moving,” she muttered now. “Why aren’t you asleep already.” 

Nikolai huffed. “You seem quite awake to me as well, Nazyalensky,” he commented. He was trying very hard to stay on his side of the bed, no matter how small it was, because he feared that if he moved even one inch closer to Zoya he might forget himself. Forget the fact that he was a king, and she was not his queen. 

Zoya turned around, her eyes narrowed. She was shaking badly, her lips already faintly blue. Her fingers briefly brushed over his arm, the mere touch sending Nikolai’s thoughts racing.  _ This was much too close.  _ “I’m keeping watch,” she replied sharply, pulling the blanket closer around herself, her fingers trembling so much it was hard to watch. 

“You’re going to freeze to death if we don’t do something,” Nikolai remarked, none of the teasing left in his voice. It was below freezing in here and Zoya was tiny anyway. 

But she only rolled her eyes at him, blowing some hair away from her face. “I’m fine.” 

Nikolai reached out for her, against his better judgement, against the little voice in his head which told him to hold back. He took her hands in his, his heart skipping a beat at how cold her skin was. “Your hands are freezing,” he noted. 

“Every part of me is freezing,” she muttered in return, but made no move to pull her hands free. Instead she peered at him through her long lashes, her gaze very calm. “If the storm doesn’t stop, we might be stuck here for a whole lot longer.” 

Stuck here, in this narrow bed. Nikolai pulled himself together, letting go of Zoya’s hands at last. She could have her pride all she wanted, but he would not allow his general to freeze to death tonight. And so he did something very dangerous, something he would most likely regret. He pulled her into his arms. 

Zoya tensed in surprise as she fell against his chest, his arm now pinned around her waist to keep her from slipping away. “What do you think you’re doing, your Highness?” she hissed, her shaking hands resting on his chest. Just below his jawline. 

Nikolai was painfully aware of the touch, of every place their bodies touched. He allowed himself to pull her just a little closer, feeling Zoya’s sharp gaze on him.  _ It was just for body heat.  _ “I’m making sure you’ll make it through the night,” he replied, covering the two of them under the thin blanket. 

Zoya was still shaking as she finally moved, curling up more comfortably against his side. “Don’t get any ideas,” she muttered in a low voice, still glaring at him. She rested her head on his chest hesitantly, but he could still feel the general’s armour in place, in the way she tensed, the way her back was straightened. 

Nikolai felt his body heat up where Zoya’s skin touched his, even through his jacket. “You’re sure you don’t want another layer of clothing?” he said quietly, his cold breathing brushing along the top of her head. 

Zoya shifted, some of her hair tickling the skin of his neck. “I’m absolutely fine,” she replied. “Besides, if one of us needs to die of the cold it better not be the king of Ravka.” 

Nikolai felt his grip around her waist intensifying before he could stop himself. “You’re not dying tonight, Nazyalensky.” Like he would ever let that happen. “I’ll keep you warm, don’t worry,” he added, trying to make his voice sound playful. 

Zoya snorted, and he could feel her slightly relaxing. Her fingers moved across his chest, and Nikolai clenched his jaw, trying to ignore the urge to touch her, to pull her even closer. To brush the hair away from her beautiful face and… 

She suddenly looked up at him, her face so close to his it was truly maddening. “What’s wrong?” she asked, her deep blue eyes scanning his face. 

For a second Nikolai was lost. He only stared at her in silence, summoning the last little bit of self restraint to hold himself back from leaning forward and closing that damned distance between them, bringing their lips to touch. But he didn't. He never did. “The storm stopped,” he said instead. Because outside it was suddenly silent, and the snow had stopped falling. 

Zoya eased back into his arms, the moment gone. “Hopefully we will be able to travel tomorrow,” she replied, closing her eyes. She was still trembling, but much more softly now. “I don’t want to spend another day in this excuse of a bed.” 

Nikolai didn’t either. He wasn’t sure just how much longer he could resist, ignore the growing tension between himself and his general. He carefully moved to touch her hands, the skin still cold as ice under his fingertips. “Will you be fine?” 

Zoya stayed silent for a moment. “I’ve been through worse,” she eventually said. “A monster once tried to eat me, I don’t think a snow storm will be my eventual doom.” 

Nikolai chuckled softly. “Goodnight Zoya.” 

He could feel her smile. “Goodnight your Highness.”

It was still cold when Nikolai woke up, thick chunks of snow covering the window. But the sun was shining, and the storm had ebbed away. He moved carefully, absently brushing a hand over Zoya’s hair. Her chest was rising and falling regularly, and for a second he was not prepared for the relief which flooded through him at that sight. 

She was still curled up against his side, her face buried in the fabric of his jacket. Like this, she looked almost peaceful.  _ Almost.  _ Nikolai was tempted to reach out and brush his fingers along the hollows of her cheekbone, but he held back, instead savouring those last moments, those last moments of peace. 

Zoya suddenly stirred, her lashes fluttering slowly as she opened her eyes. “Could you stop moving?” she muttered, pushing herself up onto her elbows as she eyed Nikolai carefully. Her lips were still tainted blue and her skin was much too pale, but at least she was talking, and moving. She frowned at him now. “What is it?” 

Nikolai sighed. He was still tired, the night not having provided much rest. “I’m just glad to see you,” he said very honestly. 

Zoya kept her gaze trained on him, completely unmoving. Her blue eyes drew him in, her face too close to his, her cold breathing against his skin sending shivers down his spine.

Nikolai was all too aware of the lack of space between them, the sudden intimacy. “Zoya-” he began, trailing off, losing his courage half way through the sentence. 

But it was enough to snap the moment. Zoya moved away, out of his arms, and to her side of the bed. She was shivering again, her breath visible in the air before her. But she got to her feet nonetheless, walking over to the window to peer outside. “We might be able to ride in this weather,” she remarked. 

“We won’t make it to the capital,” Nikolai disagreed. As much as he wanted to leave this room, this bed, it was madness. They didn’t even know how many hours it was to Os Alta on horseback from this place. 

“We search for another town then,” Zoya replied, without ever turning around. “One with functional heating, and two beds.” The sharp edge to her voice almost hurt a little. She wrapped her arms around her body, trying to stop herself from shaking. 

“Come back here,” Nikolai only said. At least the blanket kept some heat in. “That’s an order,” he added as she didn’t react. It was painful to see her like this. 

Zoya shot him a heated look, wordlessly turning around and sitting back down on the bed, making no move to get any closer to him. “I want to go home,” she said quietly. 

Nikolai sighed heavily, his lungs hurting from the cold. “So do I, Nazyalensky. But I want us both to arrive safely, and you are in no shape to travel.” 

Zoya clenched her fists, pressing her lips together as if to stop herself from trembling. It was no use. Her eyes darted to the fireplace in the room as if she was evaluating the situation. “Do you have anything which could produce a spark?” 

“Why, do you plan to burn down this entire building?” he joked, leaning back against the pillows. He was shivering as well now. “No, I don’t,” he added at her annoyed expression. “Otherwise we could have lit a fire yesterday night.” 

Zoya pursed her lips. “I just hate sitting around here, doing nothing,” she muttered. “The country is falling apart around us and we are stuck in this stupid snowstorm.” She played with the sleeve of her jacket. 

Nikolai watched her for a moment. “Although none of this would have happened if you had not decided to ride off in the middle of the night,” he replied, a certain edge to his voice which he had not been aware of before. She had been reckless that night, and although he had come to greatly appreciate Zoya’s hot temper over the years, this particular streak of hers was not well suited for politics. Or, keeping herself alive. 

She glared at him now, a storm raging behind her eyes. “What did you expect me to do?” she snapped. “Let the villagers die?” 

“You were being reckless, Nazyalensky, and-” 

“I didn’t force you to come after me!” she interrupted, crossing her arms in front of her now. Her eyes were gleaming with anger. 

Nikolai exhaled sharply. In a way she had forced him. “You expect me to just stand by and watch while you leave?” he replied, voice surprisingly calm. “Of course I came after you.” Because this was what they did. Watch each other’s back. Zoya had done so for years and now it was his turn. 

She stilled for a moment. “You shouldn’t have,” she said eventually. “I can handle myself.” 

She could, he was all too well aware. “But I like to think that we work much better as a team,” he said nonetheless. 

For a moment Zoya looked like she would disagree, but then she straightened her back, brushing some hair away from her face with a shaky hand. “You have your moments,” she replied, and from her lips it sounded like a praise. 

“I’m touched,” Nikolai replied, and it was not meant to be joking. “Can you come back here now and at least pretend to get some warmth?” 

Zoya rolled her eyes, but moved closer again, her head softly resting on Nikolai’s arm. For a moment she didn’t say anything. “I’m glad you came after me,” she said eventually, the words so quiet he almost didn’t understand. 

Nikolai allowed himself to reach out for her, brushing his fingers through her hair for just a second. “I always will,” he promised. 


End file.
